The German’s gain a sense of humour at last…

You may recall last week I mocked the German’s over their lack of humour when a Nazi gnome ‘accidentally’ entered the country and that the golden gnome was at risk at being sent to prison or at worse, gassed. Well it seems that with the world more interested in us being all killed off by swine flu, they have decided to let the gnome walk away free and to continue saluting Nazi German.

A German Dictionary, which we could have all potentially owned.

But the German’s have warned against any attempt to copy the idea and that gnomes have  a certain abuse potential, in fact it shouldn’t be al-Qaeda we should be fearing, it’s gnomes boarding planes and heading to Germany that are the true threat.

Sticking with Germany, they have recently added 5,000 words to their Dictionary, or Duden as they call it. Now to show you how young this fine nation is, the word “Kreditklemme” (credit crunch) is making its first appearance, which sounds and looks like a breakfast cereal containing Lemon.  But what I liked most was this, “Vorratsdatenspeicherung”, those 23 letters mean telecommunications data retention to us and I’ll give a pound to the homeless donkeys for every time you use that throughout your day.

Now I go searching around the BBC news website searching for entertaining, maybe informative and non-educating articles every week. For me it has to be their coverage on swine flu. A quick look down the side of a swine flu story and your see articles titled  ”How to make a swine flu vaccine“, “Can masks helps stop flu spread” and my favourite “Swine flu: Your experiences“. Now is it me or is this whole swine flu craze becoming a bit Michael Jackson? Do we need all these stories, is it really going to help? I don’t even think these swine experiences are real, they are probably hand picked by the BBC to give the most extreme side of the flu to side with the Government’s crazy guidelines on not going into public places, drinking water, eating bread, not even touching your own face. We should all sit in a dark room for 20 years and disconnect ourselves from civilization. But that isn’t the best thing. What I really love is this graph outlining how many could catch swine flu:

If the news reports, pictures won't scare you, maybe this will?

I’ll admit, the most extreme side to swine flu outlined by the BBC is well… extreme. But its another case of everyone going a bit over the top and viewing a few deaths as an epidemic. I mean when you consider how many people are killed on the roads each year, your still more likely to be knocked down by a bus tomorrow than being killed by swine flu next month.

Let’s stop restricting our lives as if this is the worst thing the world has ever faced, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?

Administration, law, hunger… who cares?

I’ve pretty much spent a whole 5 minutes wondering what to write, so I look back at the past 7 days of news and the normal trash flashes up. Allied Carpets hits administration. Boring. Facebook breaches Canadian law. Boring. Christina Aguilera is to help world hunger. No one cares. There has simply been no news and the world is fine. A part from Swine Flu, thats very much alive and kicking. You can actually now track it from country to country on the BBC News website by clicking here which is pretty cool if you want an alternative to watching paint dry.

The Nazi gnome

But what I have found funny is there is a German artist who understands British human. He’s created a garden gnome giving the Nazi salute, perfect for any British Garden in Yorkshire. But in all seriousness this is a big thing for the Germans. There is an investigation going on about the 40cm figure which ended up in Germany, as its illegal to make any Nazi remarks, gestures or even glorifying the swastika whilst in the country. I hope the gnome doesn’t go to prison.

But it’s not just the German’s looking for something to fill their time, we’re doing a good job of that in England! Now, your having a barbecue with some family and friends and before you’ve even turned the burgers over the police arrive, in a riot van, helicopter over head surrounding you before you can even reach for the folk. Well that is what happened to an organised birthday party in that crime hot spot, Devon. I mean come on, putting a few burgers on and having a laugh is hardly a crime? Andrew Poole, who was celebrating his 30th birthday at the time, summed things up pretty well, “What effectively the police did was come in and stop 15 people eating burgers”. Clearly the police are trying very hard to tackle obesity, it’s a shame they didn’t start with the Chav’s outside a McDonald’s in Essex.

Life without men

I sit here clapping my hands sarcastically. Some scientists, most probably all male, have apparently grown human sperm thus far bringing a close to this planets greatest creation… man. Now I’m not saying that sperm is all us males have to give (puts thinking cap on to come up with something really good…) we’ve given the world wars, helped to create Megan Fox, made people laugh with Top Gear, Michael Jackson, more wars and how could we forget Johnny Depp. Sadly I’m not so sure males have much time left on this planet…

 

Imagine seeing this sign as you entered Dover

…or am I missing the point? A world without men is quite hard to imagine, in fact, it’s what today has been built upon. Look at the  inventions and discoveries over the past 200 years, pretty much all of them have been because of man. Some of the things we take for granted today such as the light bulb, the computer, internet, cars and planes would probably never have been created if it wasn’t for man. We not only have shaped Britian, we have shaped the world and for this we deserve to have a purpose in its future. That said, would the world today be a better place without us? Well, most wars have been started because man has been in power and greed has got to him. We are also blamed for a large amount of marriages breaking down, stress, the credit crunch (although I’m sure women could do a similar job at that!) and so on. Yet when it comes to power, women have never been that successful. Since Margaret Thatcher’s there hasn’t been another female leader in Britain and when you look at all the leading personalities on television most of them are male, Philip Schofield comes to mind. 

 

A world without Philip Schofield? Impossible!

So, a world without men? What would it be like and how difficult could it be? Well, firstly we’d still have the credit crunch… why? Well women would have opened up store cards and credit cards to use in places like Topshop and New Look which would have caused the banks to go bust long before they have now. Then these fashion stores would have gone out of business because no women would have any money. Not looking good so far. Then there’s our daily traffic reports on the radio. These are normally for men who are on their way to work, but because we no longer exist these would be replaced by bathroom reports which would highlight the longest queues outside bathrooms in Britain. Plus nothing would be open at 9 in the morning, more like 2 in the afternoon because lets face it, girls need a good 6 hours to get ready in the morning. So your left with the cinema… well theres no Johnny Depp because he has been killed off so you’ve got Emma Watson instead. Which would be good news if your male, but not if your female unless your bisexual, so you won’t be going to the cinema then. Entertainment? Well, there would be millions of Jady Goody’s flouting around the place and OK magazine would have a field day. Yet if aliens did visit us would you really want to show them the best we have to offer is Jady Goody? Really? I think even though men have caused more problems, a world without us would probably be equally as bad. I mean going by the reaction of the death of Michael Jackson it probably will be bigger than Diana Princess of Wales – and many have said MJ is the greatest person to have ever existed (although that point is arguable).

I end with something for us men as some females think they can do a better job than us. I think we’re mean’t to laugh at them and not with them in this film…

A World Without Men (Part 1)

 

A World Without Men (Part 2)

Is Twitter the new media?

The sudden death of Michael Jackson last week sparked a media panic. Regarded as one of the largest pop icons of our time, the internet was becoming one of the largest forms of activity, with many hearing the news through Facebook and Twitter before any other source. So, are social websites the future of new media?

Michael Jackson's affects on Twitter (http://mashable.com/2009/06/25/michael-jackson-twitter/)

My main focus is Twitter, which I am lead to believe is only two and a half years old and was offered a $500 million buyout. The service has become extremely popular in social networking circles, even celebrates ‘tweet’  in order to keep their fans up to date on their latest hair styles. But the service has become more than just a way of telling people what you had for breakfast. It’s become a way of spreading news quickly and allowing other people to interact within seconds. Whilst the BBC where interviewing friends close to Michael Jackson, the world seemed to be turning to Twitter with users expressing their thoughts on what was happening online, connecting to people far and wide across the world. In fact the site actually crashed during this period and it goes without saying that many were following the news online and not on television.

I for one first heard of the news through a status update on Facebook, which was soon followed by more, updating the events, linking to websites and eventually confirming his death. It seems you no longer need a television or a radio to stay in touch anymore when it comes to world wide events, it seems websites such as Twitter are ahead when it comes to the fast paced environment we are all becoming accustomed to. 

Who knows what the future holds for social websites.

Links:

Michael Jackson Dies: Twitter Tributes Now 30% of Tweets

Bad news for the entertainment business…

Its that time of the year again, if your in anyway connected to the entertainment business you may want to consider writing your will because everybody is dying.

A shot of the BBC Entertainment page shows little to entertain

It is a shameful fact, but since the death of actress Farrah Fawcett on Thursday morning, Michael Jackson, Karl Malden and Mollie Sugden have all decided to die within the space of a week, all of them linked to the entertainment business. What some Amercian’s are classing as Entertainment-Flu, a statement was due to be released half an hour ago but sadly we believe he or she has died as well.

The world of entertainment is therefore hoping that Johnny Depp will come to the resuce, his latest film Public Enemies, shows that if you become bank robber John Dillinger, you can also become rich, famous and successful without having to sing or act. Hopefully he doesn’t die at the end…